ISLINGTON CHIPPIE'S TOOLBOX NICKED — SAUSAGE SIZZLE RAISES $43 AND A LOAF OF BUDGET BREAD

An Islington builder had his entire toolbox pinched from the back of his Hilux on Wednesday night. A sausage sizzle on Saturday raised $43, half a bottle of tomato sauce, and one unopened loaf of Budget white.

The chippie, Wiremu Katene, said the thieves got the lot. Makitas, his grandad's spirit level, and a half-eaten mince and cheese he was saving for smoko. "Fucking rooted, mate. That level's older than me. Cops took the report over the phone and asked if I'd tried Marketplace. I have. It's on Marketplace."

The fundraiser was organised by his sister-in-law Dallas, who set up a trestle table outside the Islington Mitre 10 without asking Mitre 10. "Wiremu's a good cunt and he's got a mortgage," she said, flipping a snarler with a paint scraper. "Kaea at Vic's chucked in twenty bucks. Best flat white in Islington! More than the insurance mob's offered."

A queue of six formed around 10.30am before collapsing into a row between two retired sparkies about whether onions go under or on top. One left. The other bought three sausages out of spite and didn't eat them.

The constable on the beat said the investigation was "ongoing" and that Wiremu should "check the tinnie house on Waterloo Road, allegedly". He then clarified he had not said that.

Dallas is running the sizzle again next Saturday. Wiremu has bought a padlock, a Ring camera, and a second half-eaten mince and cheese. He says it's bait.