TOKOROA RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE, A BREEZE BLOCK, AND "SHE'LL HOLD"
Builder says the wall has structural integrity. The wall says otherwise. Constable Pearce attended.
A retaining wall on a Tokoroa property is currently held in place by three lengths of No. 8 wire, one breeze block at a 40-degree angle, and what the builder described as "basically just vibes, mate."
This officer attended at 14:23 hours Tuesday following a tip-off from a concerned neighbour. On arrival, the structure was leaning approximately 15 degrees off vertical. A garden hose was inexplicably load-bearing at the western end.
The builder, one Shane, 51, was located eating a mince and cheese from the Talisman BP. "Nah she's sweet, bro. That wire's tensioned. I tensioned it. With me hands. Fucking engineer wanted three grand to draw a picture of it. I done it for two-fifty cash and a slab."
A second tradesman on site gave his name only as "Macca, the good cunt off the Putāruru job". Macca told this officer the wall had been signed off "verbally, between us". A producer statement was "in the post". Waikato District Council have no record of consent, a producer statement, or the post.
Shane's ute was parked on the lawn adjacent to the wall. It is a 2003 Hilux with a Bunnings receipt taped to the dash in lieu of a WOF. This officer considers that a bold positional choice. Shane disagreed.
At time of filing, the wall remains upright. The breeze block has shifted approximately 4cm since this officer's arrival. Shane will be back to look at it Tuesday. He did not specify which one.
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Reader Letters
Trev_Hornby
Wouldn't trust that wall to hold up my cat door!
MumOf3_Tokoroa
Bloody typical, where are the council inspectors?
Sandra McKenzie
They said in the article they're using the wire for tension, not support. Calm down, people!
couchgremlin
Lol.
Garry (Halswell)
Back in '82, we built a whole extension with no more than a couple of old tyres and some good old fashioned elbow grease. You didn't need no council paperwork and definitely not an engineer breathing down your neck. That was a time when your word was your bond!
wayne1987
Mate, that's dodgy as. At the very least, they should have used duct tape to shore it up.
tradie_kyle
Doesn't sound too munted to me. If the wall hasn't fallen, it's fine, right?
Garry (Halswell)
@Sandra McKenzie, tension or not, sounds rooted to me!
tired_in_riccarton
This is why you can't trust tradies these days. What happened to doing a proper job?
kiwi_builder_99
If the breeze block is still there, I see no reason why the wall won't hold. Just double the No. 8 wire for extra strength!