CONSTABLE PEARCE POSTS APOLOGY VIDEO OVER ROTORUA BUNNINGS ONION INCIDENT — ONIONS "REMAIN IN CUSTODY"

Guys. Guys. I never thought I'd have to make this video. deep breath On Saturday at approximately 1140 hours I attended the sausage sizzle outside the Rotorua Bunnings. I was there as a citizen. I had not eaten since 0600. Some of you have described what followed as "a scene". I'm not going to argue with that. I'm here to own it.

For those who weren't there: the volunteer on the barbecue put the onions on top of the sausage. She was about 19. She had a nose ring. On top. That is in direct contravention of the 2018 Bunnings directive. I have it laminated. Onions go under the sausage because of slip risk. I said words. I said "this is a HSWA matter". I asked to see her supervisor's supervisor. I was not growing as a person at that point.

Ngongotaha resident Hemi Waretini was behind me in the queue. He has since spoken to The Daily Yarn and I want to acknowledge his truth. "Bloke held the line up eleven minutes over an onion," he said. "Then he took the onion. Took the whole tray. Said it was evidence. It's a fundraiser for the under-12 netball, mate. What a knob." Hemi, I hear you. I'm doing the work.

deep breath It has also been brought to my attention that I used a loudhailer. I keep one in the car. I described her technique as "woke onion placement" through it. A busload of tourists on their way to the luge filmed the lot. It now has Danish subtitles. I can't control that. I can only control who I am going forward. Who I am going forward is a man with a tray of onions in his chest freezer that he is not legally entitled to.

My mate at the station has confirmed there is no statute or bylaw covering onion orientation. He said this off the record and then again on it. He also said Bunnings is "a shop, Dave. Not a jurisdiction." A Bunnings spokesperson said the sizzle was "operating as intended" and that the onion guidance is "advice rather than law, but please follow it anyway". Margaret Henderson texted me one word. I respect her. I won't repeat it. It was accurate.

To my community, I am so sorry. To the netball kids, I have made a donation of $40 and I have returned the onions. They had been in the freezer. To the volunteer, I'm sorry. I still think a nose ring near a barbecue is a hazard and I've written that down somewhere. The sizzle is on again next Saturday. I'll be there. I will hold the sausage correctly. The onions will be underneath. My mouth will be shut. Links below for my new course on accountability.