GERALDINE MITRE 10 OUT OF ZIP TIES — TRADIES STARING INTO THE MIDDLE DISTANCE

The Mitre 10 on Talbot Street, Geraldine, has run out of zip ties. Staff describe morale among the town's tradies as 'noticeably shit'.

The shortage was first reported at 0810 hours Tuesday, when a fencer from Winchester approached the cable-tie section and found an empty hook and a note reading 'sorry mate'. He asked not to be named as his boss thinks he already has some in the ute.

Customer Denise Warboys, 58, told The Daily Yarn she'd popped in for 'the black ones, the long buggers' and left with a punnet of petunias instead. 'Couldn't go home empty-handed,' she said. 'Gary would've asked questions.'

A staffer, who identified himself only as Rangi on the tills, confirmed the next shipment was 'stuck somewhere between Ashburton and here'. Pressed on ETA, Rangi said the truck driver had 'stopped for a pie in Rakaia and gone quiet'. Three customers had asked if baling twine would do. It would not.

Enquiries by this correspondent — and yes, I know it's not a CIB matter — indicate a bulk purchase last Thursday by a bloke doing 'a job out Peel Forest way' cleaned out roughly 60 percent of stock. The rest went by Monday lunch. My mate at the station reckons that qualifies as a run on the market.

As of filing, the Geraldine Mitre 10 has zero zip ties, fourteen disappointed tradies, and one bloke in the carpark trying to fashion a substitute out of number-8 wire. He was losing.