GUYS. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO MAKE THIS ARTICLE ABOUT A SMOKING BARBECUE

Guys. Guys. deep breath I never thought I'd have to file this one. But here we are, and I owe it to my community — to the good people of New Brighton, to the wider Canterbury family — to be honest about what went down at the Mitre 10 returns desk on Tuesday afternoon.

A barbecue, used once, was presented for refund by a gentleman I would estimate to be under 25 years of age — nose ring, the works — and I want to be clear: the barbecue was still smoking. Not metaphorically. Actively producing smoke. In the queue. Between a woman returning a hose fitting and a bloke with a dodgy drill.

And look, I've done the work on this. I've sat with it. The returns clerk, a young woman named Chantelle, asked the gentleman if there was a fault. He said, and I quote, "Nah it works sweet as, just didn't vibe with it." To my community, I am so sorry you had to hear that. I heard it, and I am still processing.

A Mitre 10 spokesperson confirmed the barbecue was "still warm to the touch" at the point of refund and that policy on "actively combusting merchandise" is currently "under review by head office". My mate at the station, Sergeant Willis (SGT WILLIS, CCPD), described the incident as "the reason we can't have nice things".

The refund was processed. I want to say that again because I'm still growing as a person and I need to sit with it. The refund. Was processed. Full amount. Onto a debit card. While the barbecue smoked.

I'm not perfect. I'm learning. Links below for my new course on accountability.