Satire — not real news Submit a yarn
The Daily Yarn

Aotearoa's finest fabricated news

School Gate

TE AWAMUTU PRIMARY DEMANDS SOCKS HIT MID-CALF — PARENTS DEMAND A LIFE

A three-centimetre sock discrepancy has triggered four PTA emails and one resignation.

A Te Awamutu primary school has issued its third uniform reminder of the term. This one warns parents that white socks must sit "at or above the mid-calf". Mothers say they've got better things to measure.

The policy was quietly updated over the holidays. Socks must cover "the majority of the lower leg" and be free of "visible branding, ribbing exceeding 2cm, or novelty motifs". A Year 4 pupil was sent to the office on Tuesday for wearing socks an administrator called "technically ankle".

Parent Kirsten Bellamy, whose son was the pupil, said she'd had enough. "They're socks. He's eight. He grew two centimetres in August and now that's my problem. I bought the socks from the uniform shop. The uniform shop sold me the wrong socks. Explain that one."

Another mother, who asked not to be named because she's on the PTA, said the sock clause was the third tightening this year. The lunchbox audit came first, then the light-up shoes ban. "Next it'll be ponytail height. I'm not joking. It's been raised."

The principal said uniform standards were "a shared expectation between whānau and kaiako" and socks were "a small part of a much larger picture". Asked what the larger picture was, she said she had a meeting.

The working group meets Thursday. One agenda item, per a leaked email, is "sock length: enforcement pathways".

Know someone this is about? Send it to them.

Spotted something like this in your area?

Send us a photo and a sentence. We'll write the article.

SUBMIT A YARN →

Free. Anonymous if you want. Takes 60 seconds.

Reader Letters

Trev_Hornby

Is this what our rates pay for?

Margaret_P

Sounds like a right bloody mess! I remember back in my day, when the uniform was a bit of fabric and some bare feet. None of this sock regulation nonsense. Seems like everyone is worried about the wrong issues these days, eh?

MumOf3NZ

It's a proper piss-take, aye! Who's got time to measure socks every morning? Can't even get the kids to brush their teeth half the time!

couchgremlin

Lol.

defending_socks

Come on, it's just about uniformity in school culture. Let the school have their rules.

casual_chuck

Mate, they're just socks.

formerteacher99

Don't you think this is setting a great example? Discipline in small things leads to discipline in big things.

anna_morris78

Mid-calf socks? What a joke. Used to be you just made sure the kids showed up dressed at all. Now it's about micromanaging inches of fabric. Heaven help us!

Know someone this is about? Send it to them.

Report / Takedown

Like this yarn?

Get the best one in your inbox every morning at 6am.

SATIRE — Everything on this site is fabricated for entertainment. Not real news.