Auckland import coach subs nephew on for fourth time in one half — Lansdowne under-11s now mostly nephew

A football coach fresh out of Auckland put his nephew on for the fourth time in one half on Saturday morning at a ground in Lansdowne. The side is under-11s. Parents had driven from as far as Carterton to watch their kids not play.

Coach Gareth Pollard moved to Masterton in March for "the lifestyle and the property", according to one parent. He has run the side for six weeks. In that time his nephew Kaden, eight, has replaced a striker, a left back, a goalkeeper and himself. That last one involved a drink and a change of bib.

Shona Mulholland, whose daughter Piper spent the second half on a chilly bin, was not having it. "He took off a kid two metres from an open goal. Two metres. Then he clapped and said 'fresh legs'. The kid's fucking eight, Gareth. His legs are always fresh."

Things were done differently in 1974. Your correspondent recalls a coach at New Brighton who ran the same eleven all season because he'd only learnt eleven names. Nobody minded, because there was a pier. Masterton has no pier. It has Pollard, who told a second parent, Dougie Rewi, that rolling subs were "a development tool". Rewi said the only thing developing was a grudge, and that Pollard was carrying on like a pork chop. Kaden, asked about his fourth appearance, said he was "quite tired actually" and asked to go back on the chilly bin.

STATEMENT FROM COUNCIL

Masterton District Council is aware of community concerns regarding the use of a council ground on Saturday morning. The ground was booked in line with the club's allocation for the season. It is understood the booking was fully utilised. Matters relating to selection and the frequency of substitutions fall outside the scope of the hire agreement. These are the responsibility of the club and its regional body.

It is acknowledged that feedback has been received. That feedback has been noted. It will be considered as part of a wider review of facilities, the timing of which is yet to be confirmed. Council would remind users that chilly bins are not permitted within the technical area. Any damage to the sideline caused by prolonged sitting will be assessed in due course. Council thanks the community for its patience.