The Daily Yarn
WEDNESDAY, 27 MAY 2026 · National Edition · Aotearoa's Most Reliable Unreliable News
Sports Sideline

ROSLYN CLUBROOMS SMELL LIKE "DEEP HEAT AND REGRET", BARPERSON CONFIRMS

Janine into her fourth season says the carpet hasn't been dry since 2019.

The clubrooms at a Roslyn rugby ground smell like "Deep Heat and regret", according to the woman who runs the bar on Saturdays. The club has no plan to address either.

The building hosts senior reserves, under-85s, and a women's team that keeps winning despite the place. The carpet is original. The chest freezer is original. Some of the Deep Heat is also, allegedly, original.

"It's the liniment, the piss, and whatever the front row's been marinating in," said bar volunteer Janine Cosgrove, 54, wiping down a Lion Red tap that hasn't poured right in years. "I stopped lighting the candles. Last time I did, one of the props went up."

A senior reserves player, asked about the smell, said he hadn't noticed. "Smells like footy, mate. Smells like fucken winning." The team lost 48-12 on Saturday. He was on the bench.

The coach said the changing sheds were "character-building" and that anyone whinging about the smell could "piss off back to touch." He then asked Janine if there were any pies. There were not.

Janine has asked for a new carpet at three AGMs running. The club bought a scoreboard instead. It's broken.
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