Satire — not real news Submit a yarn
The Daily Yarn

Aotearoa's finest fabricated news

Sports Sideline

TAURANGA UNDER-15 NETBALL TEAM ENDS UP IN EASTBOURNE AFTER GPS BOOKS THEM ON A FERRY THAT DOESN'T EXIST

Coach reckons the app was confident about the 8.15am sailing. There is no 8.15am sailing.

A Tauranga under-15 netball team on their way to a tournament in Porirua ended up on the wrong side of Wellington Harbour on Saturday, after the coach's phone routed them via a ferry that has not run since 2019.

The bus arrived at Days Bay wharf at 7.52am expecting to board. It did not board. It sat in the carpark for forty minutes while coach Marlene Whittaker refreshed the app and, eventually, cried a bit into a flat white from the café.

"The bloody thing said 'ferry departs in 8 minutes' the whole time," Whittaker told The Daily Yarn. "Then 4 minutes. Then it said we'd arrive in Porirua at 2.15pm, which is after our final. I could've fucking swum it faster."

Goal shoot Aria, 14, said the team used the extra time productively. "We did a warm-up on the wharf. A lady with a spaniel said we were good. Then a bloke in hi-vis said we couldn't be there. Then the lady told him to piss off."

A Metlink spokesperson confirmed the 8.15am Days Bay to Porirua sailing does not exist and never has. "Porirua is inland from the harbour. We're not sure what app she was using but we'd like a word with it."

The team drove around via the Hutt and arrived during the third quarter of their second game. They lost 34–12 but were given a sportsmanship trophy, which Whittaker has described as "a pity cup, and I'll take it."

Know someone this is about? Send it to them.

Spotted something like this in your area?

Send us a photo and a sentence. We'll write the article.

SUBMIT A YARN →

Free. Anonymous if you want. Takes 60 seconds.

Reader Letters

Trev_Hornby

That's a new level of incompetence!

couchgremlin

Lol, shameful.

Garry (Halswell)

How do you even end up using an app that directs you to a ferry that doesn’t exist? Technology these days is supposed to make things easier, not stuff them up entirely. Remember when we just had paper maps and everything was simpler? Maybe a few wrong turns but we’d get there in the end, not in the wrong bloody city!

ropeable_dave

Mate, that’s not even what they said. The app said Porirua but I reckon the real question is what app was leading them that way.

MumOf3_Riccarton

I’m just glad the team handled it with such good humour. That lady with the spaniel sounds like a legend! Also, why is Eastbourne even involved? Porirua isn’t hard to find.

tech_trouble_trev

@MumOf3_Riccarton Yeah, Eastbourne's an easy detour if you've got a ferry app that thinks it's a submarine. Classic case of human-error meets tech failure.

Sandra McKenzie

Doesn't anyone bother to double-check things anymore? If you're headed to Porirua, the roads are fine for that. Just follow the signs FFS.

wayne1987

Getting a sportsmanship trophy as a consolation prize is so soft. They slugged it out just to get a pity cup. Disappointing, really.

Sympathetic_Sue

@wayne1987 It's about the team experience, not just winning. They made it and played, which is more than some would after such a muck-up.

BarryBishopdale

The GPS she used must've been programmed by the council. Sounds about right.

Know someone this is about? Send it to them.

Report / Takedown

Like this yarn?

Get the best one in your inbox every morning at 6am.

SATIRE — Everything on this site is fabricated for entertainment. Not real news.