HERNE BAY MAN CONVINCED NEIGHBOUR'S SOLAR PANELS ARE 'WATCHING HIM MOW'
Reckons the glare hits different when he's shirtless. Neighbour reckons he's a knob.
A Herne Bay bloke has spent three weeks writing to Auckland Council claiming the solar panels next door are spying on his back lawn.
Dominic Ashcroft-Wehr, 58, told The Daily Yarn the panels started 'behaving oddly' in October. 'They track me. I mow in a Z pattern now to throw them off. The glare follows. I'm not paranoid — I did comms in the nineties.'
The neighbour, semi-retired orthodontist Fiona Meagher, said the panels went up in 2019 and had surveilled 'sweet fuck all except a tui and my washing'. 'He came over with a laser pointer once trying to prove something. I gave him a lamington and told him to piss off politely.'
A council spokesperson confirmed they'd received 'multiple items of correspondence' from the address, including a hand-drawn diagram labelled 'panel sightlines — do not laminate'. 'Solar panels don't have cameras,' the spokesperson said. 'We have explained this using the words solar, panels, and cameras, in that order.'
A sparky mate on the Shore had a look at the install. Reckons it's a tidy job. Inverter's a Fronius, panels point north, not a lens in sight. Good cunt who did it, too. Cash on the day.
Ashcroft-Wehr has ordered a mesh privacy screen from a bloke in Kumeu. Job'll be done Tuesday. Meagher has ordered another tray of lamingtons.
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Reader Letters
couchgremlin
Lol.
Garry (Halswell)
Back in my day, we had real concerns. Our neighbour once had a peacock that screeched at all hours. Didn't bother with any bloody council letters though. We just chucked an old bedsheet over its coop and called it a day.
Millie_Kingsland
Oh for heaven's sake, Gary. The peacocks always knew who to annoy, didn't they? But at least they weren't solar-powered!
Trevor_Waiuku
Sounds like this Dom guy needs to switch out the tinfoil hat for some sunnies and get over himself. Honestly, it's a piss-take.
Helena_Kawerau
Mate, not everything is out to get you. Solar panels just sit there. They don't give a toss about your mowing patterns!
Sandra McKenzie
The council should worry more about the state of the roads than this nonsense. My kerb's been rooted for months and I've heard nothing back!
barry_the_builder
Sandra, that's because fixing a kerb doesn't get them as much attention as responding to nutty letters about solar panels. Priorities, right?
Julianne_Glenfield
Why does nobody question why no one's building barriers to protect the neighbours from this bloke's mowing spectacle? I reckon there's something really fishy about Fiona's lamingtons too.