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Suburban Crime

LINWOOD CAT NAMED 'PERSON OF INTEREST' IN NEIGHBOURLY POLL, DECLINES TO COMMENT

The cat, known to the street as Mr Whiskerston, has received 43 of 61 votes and is currently asleep on a Corolla.

A ginger tom on Buckleys Road has been formally listed as a "person of interest" in an unofficial Neighbourly poll investigating a spate of overturned recycling bins, disturbed veggie patches, and one unexplained pair of underpants on a hedge.

The poll, launched Sunday night by a resident calling herself Denise-with-two-e's, offered four suspects: "the Ford Ranger man", "those teenagers", "possums (again)", and "Mr Whiskerston from number 42". Mr Whiskerston is winning by a considerable margin.

Owner Raewyn Petrie, 58, said the whole thing was a piss-take and that her cat was fifteen years old and mostly deaf. "He can barely get up the step. Denise has had it in for him since he did a wee in her lavender in 2019. She's never let it go."

Denise, contacted through the Neighbourly thread, stood by the poll. "I'm not saying it was him. I'm saying the community has spoken. Forty-three people can't all be wrong." Asked about the underpants specifically, she said that was "a separate matter" and "probably the Ford Ranger man".

A Christchurch City Council spokesperson said Neighbourly polls held "no statutory weight" and that the council did not investigate cats. Constable Pearce, reached separately, described the matter as "not a police issue, but I'd note the cat has not requested a lawyer, which is telling."

Mr Whiskerston remains asleep on the Corolla. Voting closes Friday.

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Reader Letters

Trev_Hornby

Bloody cats, always causing mischief.

MumOf3

Ignore Mr Whiskerston, it's definitely the teenagers. I saw them messing around my kerb last week, lifting up bins and whatnot. Always up to no good!

Sandra McKenzie

Come on, Denise. 43 people bored enough to blame a cat! Next they'll say he’s masterminded the whole recycling programme.

Garry (Halswell)

Mr Whiskerston has an alibi. He can't even climb the fence anymore, poor fella. This Denise needs a hobby.

wayne1987

Mate, it's obviously a stitch-up. Mr Whiskerston's being framed by some shady neighbourhood rival. Cats are innocent until proven guilty, surely?

tired_in_riccarton

Mate, Denise probably voted twenty times herself. Neighbourhood polls aren't exactly the epitome of democracy, are they?

couchgremlin

Shouldn't we focus on the fact that there are undies on a hedge? That's the REAL mystery here!

soapbox_suzy

Denise is the real suspect if you ask me! Overturned bins sound more like a 'Denise with two e's' operation.

Fred99

Back when I was a lad, we had real targets for our neighbourhood complaints - like actual robberies! Now it's all about blaming cats.

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