BEERESCOURT DECK BUILT 'FOR ENTERTAINING' TOO NARROW FOR A SINGLE CHAIR
Mate of mine reckons the chippie measured it with a pie in one hand.
Right, so — I was down at the Cock & Bull the other night on the Speights, and this bloke Baz starts telling me about a deck his cousin got built in Beerescourt. Cost him fourteen grand. Sold to him as an entertainer's dream. Turns out you can't fit an entertainer on it. Can't fit a chair. Can barely fit a cat.
Now, I'm going off Baz here, so grain of salt. The chippie was some good cunt out of Frankton called Deano. Quoted the job on the back of a Zarbo's serviette. Said it'd be done Tuesday. This was, apparently, a Tuesday in March. Which March, Baz couldn't confirm.
The owner, fella by the name of Rhys something, told Baz he only twigged when the missus tried to put the Kmart bistro set out. "Fucking thing's 600 mil wide," Rhys reportedly said. "You can't sit on it. You can stand on it side-on, like you're waiting for a bus." Reminds me of a deck my old man built in Fairfield back in '74. That one was too big, mind. You could've landed a Cessna on it.
Deano, contacted by Baz's brother-in-law who does the sparky work, said the plans were "pretty much to spec". Reckoned Rhys was carrying on like a soft prick about 200 mil. He also mentioned the council inspector out of the Garden Place office signed it off without measuring. Bloke apparently just looked at it, nodded, and went for a mince and cheese.
Rhys is now getting a second deck built off the side of the first deck, so the chairs have somewhere to live. Baz reckons that one's being done by a different chippie. Won't be ready till Tuesday.
Anyway. That's what I heard. Could be bollocks. Probably isn't. [sips beer]
Know someone this is about? Send it to them.
Reader Letters
Trev_Hornby
That's a fuckin' rookie mistake! Measure twice, cut once.
Barry_Franzjosef
@Trev_Hornby A true modern-day philosophy! Too bad most tradies these days are too busy taking shortcuts. My last tradie built a fence that could've doubled as modern art.
Garry (Halswell)
This is why I do my own DIY jobs. You can't trust these so-called professionals these days. Back in the '80s, I built my shed from scratch with just a handsaw and a hammer. It's still standing, too!
ropeable_dave
@Garry (Halswell) Mate, I reckon Deano's just following the plans he got. The bloke wanted it 'for entertaining' but never checked what that actually means, eh?
MumOf2_LowerHutt
How'd the council inspector even pass that? They probably couldn't be arsed, just like my driveway that ended up with a slope a skateboarder would enjoy.
couchgremlin
Lol.
wayne1987
Doesn't take a genius to know that building a deck narrower than 600 mil is just munted. Was the chippie using a ruler or a bloody spaghetti measuring tool?
Tradie_Tony
Rhys should've sacked the useless cunt and gone with the bloke that built my mate's deck in Glenview. No issues there, chairs and all. Typical hamiltonians!
Spotted something like this in your area?
Send us a photo and a sentence. We'll write the article.
SUBMIT A YARN →Free. Anonymous if you want. Takes 60 seconds.