CARTERTON PERGOLA PASSES COUNCIL INSPECTION, FAILS EVERY OTHER TEST KNOWN TO SCIENCE
The consent is in order. The posts are not.
A pergola erected behind a Carterton property has been signed off by Masterton District Council despite leaning at an angle that one neighbour described as "pre-collapse, structurally speaking".
The structure, built over four weekends by a bloke who asked to be identified only as "the owner-builder", passed its final inspection on Thursday. By Friday afternoon it was already listing to the north-east, in the general direction of the wine.
"Fucking thing's rooted, mate," said next-door neighbour Rangi Colquhoun, gesturing with a stubby. "Posts aren't plumb, bearers are twisted, and there's a bloody bracket holding the whole shitshow up that looks like it come off a trailer. Council reckons it's fine. Council needs its eyes tested."
A local chippie who inspected the pergola off the record said the builder had used "90 by 45 where you'd want 140 by 45, and screws where you'd want bolts, and hope where you'd want engineering". He added the owner was "a good cunt but the pergola is not".
Council confirmed the structure met code "on the paperwork submitted" and declined to comment on "what it's currently doing in three dimensions". A spokesperson said re-inspection could be arranged "if it's still there on Monday".
Reminds me of the rotunda they put up in Masterton in '74 — held together with bailing twine and civic pride, and it lasted till the Queen's visit. This one probably won't see the weekend.
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Reader Letters
Trev_Hornby
Not surprised, Council can't build a sandcastle right now.
ropeable_dave
Mate, council's always been blind.
safety_dan
Lol! More vino-induced engineering, Carterton style.
Garry (Halswell)
Back in my day, you’d never get away with such shoddy work. A pergola had to stand strong or you’d soon hear about it from Mum when the washing line collapsed along with our fishing net fences! The Council got tougher on us back then.
Garry (Halswell)
The Masterton rotunda was a bloody masterpiece in comparison! Managed to stand through too many storms till the Queen put some old-world charm on it.
Marion67
Maybe the council’s inspectors have a taste for crooked lines? Or perhaps someone slipped them a box of wine under the table!
tired_in_riccarton
@Marion67 Either that or they've got their eyes shut while holding a level. My guess is it's munted or both!
wayne1987
Pulled permits are like catnip to councils. They just stamp 'em and move on!
KiwiDIYKing
Can't believe anyone thinks this is okay! Budget building 101: buy the right flipping bolts or don't bother at all.
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