HOKITIKA BUILDER DECLARES DECK "FINISHED EXCEPT FOR THE FINISHING" — FINISHING INCLUDES THE STAIRS

A Hokitika builder has invoiced a Revell Street homeowner in full for a deck he calls "finished except for the finishing". On inspection, the finishing includes the stairs. It also includes the balustrade. It also includes one side.

Homeowner Lorraine Kettleworth, 61, said the deck had been "done" since Labour Weekend, if done means eleven joists and a bag of screws swelling in the rain. "He says it's structurally there," she said. "A skeleton is structurally a person. I wouldn't ask one round for tea."

Shayne Priddle, who moved down from Whangarei two winters ago and "hasn't been fucking warm since", said the job was all but complete. "Bones are in, mate. Finishing is just the shit you look at. Nobody's ever fallen through finishing." Asked about the stairs, he said Lorraine "had legs". The balustrade is on order from "a bloke back up in Whangarei" and will be down Tuesday. He would not say which one.

Gerald built our deck in 1983 with a hand saw and a hangover. It still holds a gas bottle and two of my sister's grandchildren. It never had a finishing stage. It had a finished stage. My son's girlfriend, who works in Wellington and has opinions about compost, tells me Priddle's method is called "agile". That tells you all you need to know about Wellington. It tells you a fair bit about her.

Westland District Council confirmed the deck would need an inspection "once it is a deck". Priddle's last three certificates with the council are also listed as "pending finishing". A spokesperson said the paperwork was "structurally there".

Kettleworth has paid the invoice. "Shayne's a good cunt, I'll give him that," she said. "Just not a finished one." Priddle was seen Thursday at another site on the beachfront, telling that client the job was basically done except for the roof.