Outer Kaiti joiner asked for kitchen "like on telly, but more beige" — sample count now at 31
The clients are from Hamilton East. This correspondent notes this without further comment, then comments further.
A Hamilton East couple doing up their holiday place in Outer Kaiti have told their joiner to build a kitchen "like on The Block, but more beige". To date they have rejected 31 samples. Twenty-nine were not beige enough. Two were too beige.
The joiner, Bevan Ngata, operates out of a shed off Gladstone Road and first attended the property in February. The clients, Pamela and Grant Delahunty, drive over from Hamilton every third weekend with a ring-binder. "She's got a Pinterest board called Neutral Dreams," Ngata stated. "Forty pins. Every one of them is the same fucking colour. I've printed them out. They're the same colour on paper too."
The situation deteriorated on or about the 14th when Ngata's apprentice, aged 19, asked Mrs Delahunty which beige she wanted. He was told "warmer than that, but not warm". The apprentice was wearing a nose ring at the time. This is recorded for completeness and because it is relevant to this correspondent's general position on apprentices.
Ngata has since been asked for a splashback in "oat, but not porridge" and a "hero tap", which Mr Delahunty saw on television. "It's a tap," Ngata said. "It turns on. Nobody's a hero. Bloke's a good cunt otherwise, brings a cheese roll up from the bakery, but he watches too much telly." Asked for an ETA, Ngata gave the standard industry response of "Tuesday" and did not supply a date, month or year.
A Gisborne District Council spokesperson confirmed that beige is not a compliance matter under the Building Code and that no RFI has been lodged regarding tone. This correspondent's associate at the station, a sergeant of some 22 years' service, was contacted for a view. He stated: "Not a police matter, Dave. Stop ringing about kitchens."
As of Friday Mrs Delahunty had complained that the east-facing window was letting in the first sunlight in the country and it was "fighting the palette". Ngata has quoted for a blind. It will be beige. Sample 32 is in the post.
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Reader Letters
★ JoannePetone
Honestly, how hard is it to choose a shade of beige? In the Hutt, we have bigger worries, like keeping teenagers from spending all day on their phones. Fair enough if you want a chic kitchen, but 31 samples? That's just bonkers.
★ Garry (Halswell)
Back in my day, we only needed two options: paint and wallpaper. Wouldn't have happened in the 1970s, that's for sure. Kitchens were practical, not this beige nonsense. Standards have changed, clearly.
couchpotato_nz
Why does this sound like a bad episode of 'Grand Designs'? Can't blame the bloke for being ropeable. Just have a pint and chill, I say.
★ BarryBishopdale
31 samples? These Delahuntys are munted. Just wait till they deal with the council—won't know what's hit them.
Trev_Hornby
Relatable, though! My wife's been on about getting a "hero tap" too. Buggered if I know what that is. Must've been something she saw on TV. Bloody telly's got a lot to answer for.
BeigeBothered
@Trev_Hornby I reckon a 'hero tap' is something overly complicated and probably expensive. A bit like those bloody kombucha makers everyone raves about.
KiwiKev88
Mate, they're gonna end up with fifty shades of beige at this rate. What a piss-take!
sick_of_it_all
Just go white.
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