MARCHWIEL WOMAN'S HAIR DECLARED PUBLIC SAFETY ISSUE AS TIMARU SEA FOG REFUSES TO LEAVE

A Marchwiel woman's hair has been informally classified as a public safety issue after three days of easterly sea fog off Caroline Bay. Residents are describing the humidity as "Auckland, but with worse parking".

Lorraine Tuck, 58, has lived on the same Marchwiel street since the Muldoon years. She said she left the house Wednesday with a reasonable bob and arrived at the dairy with something else. "Went out the door a hairstyle. Got to the counter a hedge. The bloke asked if I wanted a bag for it."

Neighbour Colin Frame said the hair now "impedes the footpath" and that he'd twice mistaken it for pampas grass. "Not being rude. There's just no wind to knock it flat. Normally the nor'wester sorts that. Nor'wester's buggered off to Geraldine."

The fog has sat over the port since Tuesday. Several ships are reportedly waiting offshore for visibility. At least one is waiting for Lorraine to move away from the breakwater. In 1974 the fog came in just the same, but people wore hats, and the hats stayed on, and nobody rang a spokesperson.

A MetService spokesperson said humidity was "elevated but within normal parameters for coastal South Canterbury". Hair, they added, was "not a meteorological variable we track". They then conceded they had seen the photo. Timaru District Council said it had no jurisdiction over hair but would monitor the situation if it started affecting drainage.

Lorraine has since bought a wide-brimmed hat from an op shop on Stafford Street. The fog has not lifted. The hat does not fit. A walker at St Andrews Beach on Thursday reported another set of moa bones, until it turned round and asked her the time.