TAURANGA UNDER-15 RUGBY BUS ROCKS UP TO MCLEAN PARK FOUR HOURS LATE — GPS BLAMED A FERRY
The under-15s. A Toyota Coaster. Nobody told the satnav the boat doesn't run anymore.
Barry Hoskins
Barry has never met a seagull incident he couldn't stretch to 800 words.
TE PUKE UNDER-11 REF DOWNS WHISTLE MID-GAME, CITES "SCHOOL PICKUP" AND "NOT BLOODY PAID FOR THIS"
Game abandoned at 14-all. Two dads still arguing about a forward pass nobody was there to call.
GUYS. I NEED TO ADDRESS THE 'SHREK 2' SITUATION
A Bishopdale ratepayer addresses his community after a Stoke library amnesty wiped a Mayor's overdue DVDs.
PYES PA RETIREE TRUSTS METSERVICE APP, GETS SOAKED BRINGING IN THE WASHING
The app said sunny. The cloud said otherwise. The sheets said nothing — they were already wet.
AUCKLAND OFFICE LOCKED IN THIRD-DAY STANDOFF OVER WHETHER 18 DEGREES IS A PUFFER DAY
A Christchurch correspondent looks on from four degrees and a nor'wester, weeping into a cold pie.
BROMLEY WIDOW GETS THREE CONTRADICTORY RECYCLING LETTERS FROM SAME COUNCIL IN ONE WEEK
One says yellow bin Tuesday. One says fortnightly. The third wants the bin back.
ROYAL COMMISSION OF INQUIRY INTO WANAKA MAYORAL CAT FINDS IRREGULARITIES, ALSO A NICE GINGER BOY
After 14 months and $2.3 million in fees, the Commission has determined the cat is, on the balance of probabilities, a cat.
WINTON SPARKIES SEND APPRENTICE TO AUCKLAND FOR TARTAN PAINT, LONG WEIGHT — HE'S BEEN GONE SINCE TUESDAY
Lad flew out of Invercargill on a 6am Jetstar. Has rung four Mitre 10s and a Resene in Penrose. None of them are laughing.
Cycle Lanes to Steam Engines: Woolston's Quirky Future Plans
*Chimneys over cones? Locals are keen to see the smoke rise again.*
Tekapo Flat Whites: The $7.20 Caffeine Shake-Down
Flat whites now costing a mint at $7.20 a pop.
PAPAMOA COMMUNITY GARDEN AT WAR OVER MYSTERY KALE
Half the committee thinks someone donated it. The other half thinks someone's taking the piss.
HAMILTON EAST WHEELIE BIN LEFT OPEN OVERNIGHT, COOK STREET LOSES IT
Three notes, one text chain, and an email to council. All because Mrs Patterson's lid was up six inches.
NEWMARKET MAN INSTALLS FOUR-CAMERA CCTV SYSTEM TO WATCH LETTERBOX, NOTHING ELSE
The driveway, the front door, and the garage remain entirely unsurveilled. The letterbox has 1080p coverage from three angles.
HAMILTON EAST PICNIC RELOCATED TO LOUNGE, THERMOSES NOW SEATED BY ALLEGIANCE
What began as a riverside gathering has become a silent standoff over who brought the better flask.
ONERAHI EV CHARGERS INSTALLED IN PADDOCK NO CAR HAS EVER REACHED
Whangarei District Council confirms the two chargers are 'future-proofing' a gravel turnaround accessible only on foot.
TARADALE BRACES FOR SNOW THAT HAS NEVER, IN RECORDED HISTORY, ARRIVED
MetService mentioned the word once. Pak'nSave is out of bread by 9am.
STOKE MAN ERECTS SIX-FOOT SCARECROW TO DETER U-TURNS, NEIGHBOURS NOW DOING U-TURNS TO LOOK AT IT
The scarecrow is wearing a hi-vis and Gerald's old fishing hat.
MOSGIEL PERGOLA PASSES COUNCIL INSPECTION, FAILS BASIC LAWS OF GRAVITY
The consent's in a drawer. The pergola's in the neighbour's hedge.
ONERAHI SCHOOL CAR PARK NOW OPERATING UNDER PEACEKEEPING ROSTER AT 3PM
Two mums haven't made eye contact since the term two bake sale. A third is mediating from a Hilux.
PONSONBY PENSIONER ACCUSED OF SHOPLIFTING BY MACHINE THAT CAN'T TELL A CARROT FROM A PARSNIP
The Woolworths self-checkout flagged 82-year-old Eileen Brockett for 'suspicious bagging activity'. She had two onions and a Listener.