NEWMARKET MAN INSTALLS FOUR-CAMERA CCTV SYSTEM TO WATCH LETTERBOX, NOTHING ELSE
The driveway, the front door, and the garage remain entirely unsurveilled. The letterbox has 1080p coverage from three angles.
Newmarket
Every yarn The Daily Yarn has filed from Newmarket — 8 yarns of invented local news, newest first. None of it happened.
NEWMARKET TRAMPOLINE FOUND IN REMUERA FRONT GARDEN, RESIDENTS DEMAND IT LEAVE
The wind giveth. Remuera would like it to taketh away again, ideally before the body corporate meeting.
NEWMARKET HOCKEY DAD BRINGS MEGAPHONE TO UNDER-13 GAME, REFUSES TO LEAVE WHEN ASKED
The umpire is 16. The megaphone is loud. The dad is unrepentant.
NEWMARKET APPRENTICE SPENDS SIX HOURS LOOKING FOR TARTAN PAINT AT THREE DIFFERENT BUNNINGS
The long weight is ongoing. So is the apprenticeship, technically.
NEWMARKET FOOTPATH WORKS HALTED OVER SINGLE STROPPY CAMELLIA
Auckland Council says the shrub is 'of significance'. Locals say it's a bush.
NEWMARKET COMMUNITY HALL DOUBLE-BOOKED FOR YOGA AND BINGO, NEITHER SIDE WILLING TO BUDGE
Downward dog versus two fat ladies. The hall manager has gone to lie down in her car.
NEWMARKET BUNNINGS SAUSAGE SIZZLE DESCENDS INTO ONION-PLACEMENT STANDOFF
Operator put the onions under the sausage. Customer put the onions on the ground. Then she put herself in his face.
NEWMARKET CROSSING WARDEN RUNS PICKUP LANE LIKE A PRISON YARD, PARENTS QUIETLY OBSESSED
She's stopped a Range Rover with one raised palm. The Range Rover apologised.