NEWTOWN UNDER-11 NETBALL REF THREATENED WITH NEIGHBOURLY REVIEW OVER "DODGY CONTACT CALL"
The ref is 16. The mum is 43. The post is now pinned.
Newtown
Every yarn The Daily Yarn has filed from Newtown — 8 yarns of invented local news, newest first. None of it happened.
NEWTOWN DROUGHT DECLARED OVER AFTER DRIZZLE SPOTTED ON RENAULT WINDSCREEN
Three weeks of dire warnings undone by what one witness called 'barely a spit, honestly'.
NEWTOWN DECK BUILT 'FOR ENTERTAINING' FITS EXACTLY ZERO CHAIRS, ONE FOOT
The builder reckons it's a vibe deck. The owner reckons it's a windowsill.
NEWTOWN SCHOOL BAKE SALE CUPCAKE PRICED AT $48 — PTA INSISTS "IT'S FOR THE TURF"
A single vanilla cupcake on a paper doily is now worth more than a tank of petrol and a flat white combined.
WELLINGTON COUNCIL PAYS CONSULTANTS $90K TO LOCATE THE CONSULTANTS
The consultants were, it turns out, on level four of the building the invoice came from.
NEWTOWN PIGEON DECLARES CONSTITUENCY AT CONSTANCE STREET CAFÉ, KNOCKS BACK GOLD COIN
Staff say the bird turns up at 7am sharp and has opinions about the muffins.
NEWTOWN PETITION TO BAN SUNDAY LEAF BLOWERS BEFORE 10AM HITS 400 SIGNATURES, NONE FROM THE BLOKE WITH THE BLOWER
Riddiford Street is at war with one man and a Stihl.
NEWTOWN WOMAN'S CLICK-AND-COLLECT ARRIVES IN FRIDGE-SIZED BOX CONTAINING ONE (1) GRAPE
Woolworths says the packaging is "within tolerance". The grape is green.