PICTON ROAD CONES NOW OUTNUMBER RESIDENTS TWO TO ONE — MARLBOROUGH DISTRICT COUNCIL "COMFORTABLE WITH THE RATIO"
Roughly 9,000 cones, 4,500 people, and one bloke actually holding a shovel.
Picton now has two road cones for every man, woman and child, according to a count done by a local plumber over three consecutive smokos, and Marlborough District Council reckons that's about right.
The cones run from the ferry terminal up High Street and out along Queen Charlotte Drive. Behind them sits one culvert, half a footpath and a patch of seal a bloke could sort with a bag of cold mix and a Tuesday. Traffic off the Interislander is being squeezed through a lane narrower than a Hilux with the mirrors in.
Plumber Shane Reweti, 44, did the count in his hi-vis so nobody asked questions. "Started at the foreshore, gave up at the Four Square on six thousand-odd and extrapolated. There's more cones than sauv blanc down here and that is fucking saying something. Counted one actual worker. He was on his phone."
Reweti reckons the daily cone hire is now worth more than the job it's protecting. "Traffic management's the only trade in this town getting paid on time, put it that way. Rest of us are chasing thirty-day terms off a council that can't find its own culvert. Piss-take."
A Marlborough District Council spokesperson said the deployment was "proportionate to the risk profile". The traffic management plan was signed off by a consultant in Blenheim who had "viewed the site on Google Maps". Asked when the culvert would be finished, the spokesperson said the contractor had indicated "Tuesday", then asked which month it currently was.
A second count on Thursday morning put the ratio at 2.3 to one. Two residents had left on the ferry. The cones had not. Mt Eden, previously the national benchmark, has reportedly requested a recount.
More yarns from Picton Council Chaos
Know someone this is about? Send it to them.
Reader Letters
★ BarryBishopdale
Back in my day, councils got things sorted without such nonsense. At least they knew how to finish a job. None of these coney distractions. And don't get me started on the Australians.
Sandra McKenzie
Honestly @Barry, you're always going on about the past. Maybe things aren't rooted, just different?
★ Trev_Hornby
This is bloody ridiculous! You can't even walk your dog without tripping over cones. Traffic's a right mess and not a worker in sight.
★ Margaret_F
Gerald would have found this all quite absurd. In our day, we had a sense of practicality. These youths are just fascinated with cones.
MumOf3_Riccarton
Mate, in the 70s, they'd have sorted this over a weekend with Gerald's trusty spade!
JoannePetone
Sounds like Picton's hit peak council absurdity! Hope they keep a spare key for Gerald's spade locked up somewhere safe.
couchgremlin
Lol.
Garry (Halswell)
You reckon they're gonna plant them cones as permanent features? I'm starting to feel like we're living in a sculpture park!
NigelK
These cone numbers make me wonder if we need to re-evaluate why we rely on them so much. Where's the proper roadworks?
tired_in_rangiora
Barry has a point though, this job's a complete piss-take. Cones or no, it's all a shambles.
Spotted something like this in your area?
Send us a photo and a sentence. We'll write the article.
SUBMIT A YARN →Free. Anonymous if you want. Takes 60 seconds.