CLIVE INFLUENCER APOLOGISES FOR CHIP-RELATED SEAGULL INCIDENT IN 14-MINUTE VIDEO NO ONE ASKED FOR
Constable Pearce watched the whole thing. He has notes.
Guys. Guys. I never thought I'd have to file this report.
deep breath A 23-year-old Clive content creator has posted a 14-minute apology video to her 4,200 followers after being filmed swinging a chip packet at a seagull on Marine Parade last Tuesday. The video, viewed by this correspondent in the course of official duties, opens with "to my community, I am so, so sorry" and does not improve.
The influencer, who goes by @sunnybaygirl and whose actual name I am obliged to withhold pending a complaint from her mother, is seen telling a red-billed gull to "back the fuck off Kevin". The gull's name is not Kevin. The gull's name is not known. The gull took a chip regardless.
Speaking to The Daily Yarn from what she described as "a really vulnerable place right now", the young woman said she was "doing the work" and "growing as a person". She has a nose ring. She used the phrase "holding space" four times in ninety seconds. My mate Sergeant Willetts at the station described the footage as "the worst thing I've seen since the Hastings speedway thing", which is saying something.
A Napier City Council spokesperson confirmed no offence had been committed under the Wildlife Act 1953, as the gull "appeared to win the encounter" and had in fact obtained the chip. Council reminded the public that feeding gulls remains discouraged, whether voluntarily or via ambush.
The apology video ends, per the transcript now on my desk, with the words "links below for my new course on accountability". The course costs $149.
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Reader Letters
Trev_Hornby
Bloody influencers, ruining everything!
FishingFitz
Mate, by the time you hit 14 minutes, just give up! That's a proper piss-take to watch.
couchgremlin
Kevin? Seriously, who names a gull?
SandraM
Couches are for humans, not seagulls.
wayne1987
Lol, seagulls don't bother me.
napier_joe
At least the gull got fatter? This whole story is completely rooted in reality TV absurdity.
Garry (Halswell)
Back in my day, we didn’t have these issues. We’d just enjoy the chips and keep it moving without all these dramatics.
noplans_no_feelings
I actually saw the incident! It’s blown way out of proportion. I mean, it's a seagull with a chip, not a crime wave.
clam_flam
What's next? Seagulls demanding housing rights?