WINTON MAN LAUNCHES ONE-MAN INQUIRY INTO NEIGHBOUR'S SOLAR PANELS, WHICH HE BELIEVES ARE 'WATCHING HIM MOW'

Guys. Guys. I never thought I'd have to make this video.

deep breath

A Winton resident has been keeping a logbook of his neighbour's rooftop solar array, and after sitting with that at my kitchen table Tuesday, I owe my community an apology. I see you. I hear you. I am so sorry.

The resident, Kelvin Braithwaite, 61, of a wide street off Great North Road, told this reporter the panels had been "angled at him personally" since April. "They shift," he said. "I mow at 10, they're looking. I mow at 2, still looking. That's not the sun. That's intent." And guys — I want to sit in that. Kelvin's truth is valid even when the physics isn't.

The neighbour, Marian Ackroyd, said the panels were fixed and pointed at the sky like every other panel in Southland. "He came over with a protractor," she said. "I offered him an oyster and he said he wouldn't eat anything I'd been near." Look — I have been doing the work. I have been learning. A protractor in the wrong hands is a red flag, and I take responsibility for laughing when I first heard about it.

Constable Dave Pearce confirmed a complaint had been filed under what Braithwaite called "the Privacy Act, probably", and dismissed under what Pearce called "the common sense provisions, mate". "The panels convert photons. They do not retain them," Pearce said. "I explained it three times. He asked if I was with them."

To my community — I am so sorry I ever doubted Kelvin. I am growing. Braithwaite has since strung a tarp on number-eight wire facing Ackroyd's roof, which she says is now shading her tomatoes. She has filed a complaint of her own. Links below for my new course on accountability.