REDWOOD PLAYGROUND SHUT FOR 'ASPIRATIONAL MAINTENANCE' — NOBODY AT COUNCIL WILL SAY WHAT THAT IS
Christchurch City Council has closed a working slide behind orange netting for reasons nobody can define in under 400 words.
Margaret Henderson
Margaret has covered suburban Christchurch for forty years and believes every fence dispute is a constitutional crisis.
CARTERTON UMBRELLA LASTS EIGHT SECONDS, OWNER BLAMES CLIMATE CHANGE
You didn't hear it from me. Heard it off Kev at the Carterton Club, Thursday. Maybe Wednesday.
LINWOOD RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE, HOPE, AND ONE BLOKE NAMED SHANE
Engineer says it's 'not technically a wall anymore' but concedes it's still doing wall things.
OPOTIKI RATEPAYER BILLED $340 FOR STORMWATER PIPE THAT DOES NOT, HAS NEVER, AND WILL NOT EXIST
Ōpōtiki District Council insists the invoice is correct. The pipe insists on nothing, being imaginary.
ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS KARORI 'CLOSING DOWN' SIGN HAS BEEN CLOSING DOWN SINCE 2016
Commissioner satisfied the shop is not, in fact, closing down.
HAMILTON WEST WOMAN GETS THREE COUNCIL LETTERS ABOUT BINS, NONE OF THEM AGREE
One says yellow lid. One says red lid. One thanks her for joining a trial she's never heard of.
Jogger in Cashmere stirs online frenzy with unexpected route artwork
The route, three kilometres of poor decisions, has been described by the runner as 'a sunset loop'. It is not.
OPUNAKE PERGOLA PASSES COUNCIL INSPECTION, FAILS FIRST DECENT SOUTHERLY
The consent says yes. The four-by-two says no. Gravity got the final word.
RANGIORA WOMAN RINGS 111 ON COURIER FOR BEING "TOO NICE"
Suspect smiled, said please, and put the parcel on the dry side of the porch. Police attended.
GUYS. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO MAKE THIS POST: MILSON PUMP RECEIPT NOW 2.4 METRES LONG
To my community, I am so sorry. The receipt is still printing.
MANUKAU WOOLWORTHS RETURNS DESK PRESENTED WITH BARBECUE STILL ON FIRE
Customer wants a refund. Customer also wants the sausages back.
Takapuna Schnauzer Leaves Rug in Dust During Epic Nap Battle
Owner says dog's a "real killer" despite snooze-heavy tactics.
Ashburton Dog's Bubble Tail Bewitches and Bewilders Locals
Local puppy's soap bubble tail threatens Ashburton's artisanal market economy.
DEVONPORT SITE FOREMAN HALTS SMOKO TO LECTURE CREW ON PIE TEMPERATURE
The pies were from the Vauxhall Four Square. The clipboard was from head office. Neither side enjoyed it.
LINWOOD NETBALL MUM BINS RIVAL'S ORANGES FOR BEING 'CUT WRONG' AT UNDER-11 FINAL
Quarter-time slicing now run by a woman called Donna and a laminated roster.
DEVONPORT WATCH GROUP LAUNCHES PROBE INTO WONKY WHEELIE BINS
Vanessa from Vauxhall Road has a slide deck. Hamish has a Range Rover. The bins have been emptied.
LINWOOD RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE, A FENCE POST, AND "SHEER FUCKING WILLPOWER"
The wall is 30 years old. The wire is older. The slope behind it contains a trampoline.
HENDERSON LIBRARY FINES MEETING ENDS IN TEARS OVER A COOKBOOK
Cookbook is 47 days overdue. Fine is $3.20. The crying went on for some time.
PONSONBY UNDER-10s RUGBY DESCENDS INTO ORANGE-RELATED SHOUTING MATCH BETWEEN GROWN ADULTS
Two mothers, one chilly bin, no oranges. The children watched.
INVERCARGILL COUNCIL INVOICES GLADSTONE WOMAN $847 FOR STORMWATER PIPE THAT DOES NOT EXIST
Council insists the pipe is there. The ground disagrees.