ROSLYN PAINTER STOPS DEAD AT FENCE LINE, LEAVING HALF A DUPLEX BEIGE AND HALF A DUPLEX SHAME
The boundary peg has never been so respected. The duplex has never looked so stupid.
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MOSGIEL STREET AT WAR OVER BOAT ON BLOCKS — OWNER CLAIMS "HERITAGE STATUS"
The boat hasn't touched water since 1994. Neither has the driveway seen a car.
ONERAHI BUILDER DECLARES KITCHEN RENO "FINISHED EXCEPT THE FINISHING" — HOMEOWNER DISAGREES
There are no benchtops, no skirtings, and one wall remains, in the builder's words, "largely conceptual".
ISLAND BAY UNDER-11 FOOTY BBQ SETS OFF LIBRARY SMOKE ALARM, EVACUATES STORY TIME
Twenty-two toddlers ushered onto The Parade clutching picture books. Coach Brent reckons the snarlers were 'just getting going'.
GLADSTONE UNDER-11 SIDELINE NEARLY GOES FERAL OVER MANDARIN SUBSTITUTION AT HALF-TIME
Club treasurer cited budget. Sideline cited treason. Constabulary cited Section 4.
Christchurch 4WDer Vanishes; Yeti Bob Blamed by Locals
His Jimny turned up on gravel with the side-step hanging off. Adam did not.
Tekapo Flat Whites: The $7.20 Caffeine Shake-Down
Flat whites now costing a mint at $7.20 a pop.
Cycle Lanes to Steam Engines: Woolston's Quirky Future Plans
*Chimneys over cones? Locals are keen to see the smoke rise again.*
SUMNER HOUSEHOLD GETS THREE COUNCIL LETTERS ABOUT RECYCLING — ALL CONTRADICT EACH OTHER
One says yellow bin Tuesday. One says fortnightly. One says the yellow bin is under review.
Canterbury Legend Tows Mattress, Pallet in Wild Jimny Combo
ORY764 last seen leaving Prestons Road at 40km/h with a queen-sized Sleepyhead doing the limbo.
PONSONBY MAN BILLED $400 FOR 'STRATEGIC VIBES' BY AUCKLAND COUNCIL
Ratepayer asked what a vibe costs per hour. Council declined to specify.
LINWOOD READING LOG STOUSH GOES TO THE BOARD
One parent ticked the box. Another parent disputes the tick.
PONSONBY IN MELTDOWN AS HUMIDITY REACHES 78% — RESIDENTS DEMAND ANSWERS
Linen shirts limp. Sourdough won't rise. One woman blames the council.
Murray's Holden an Accidental Rangiora Landmark
OC7989 hasn't moved since 2011. A sycamore is using it as a planter.
FEILDING MAN LODGES FORMAL COMPLAINT AGAINST THE WIND, ALLEGES "PERSONAL VENDETTA"
Constable's note: the wind is not, at time of writing, a person under the Crimes Act 1961.
REDWOOD PLAYGROUND SHUT FOR 'ASPIRATIONAL MAINTENANCE' — NOBODY AT COUNCIL WILL SAY WHAT THAT IS
Christchurch City Council has closed a working slide behind orange netting for reasons nobody can define in under 400 words.
CHRISTCHURCH COUNCIL INSTALLS EV CHARGERS ON SOUTHSHORE SPIT WHERE NO CAR HAS EVER PARKED
Guys. Guys. I never thought I'd have to make this article. But here we are — four chargers, zero cars, one very confused seagull.
PARAPARAUMU PETROL PUMP PRINTS RECEIPT LONGER THAN THE DRIVEWAY
Local motorist filled up 40 litres. Received 40 metres.
WASHDYKE PICNIC MOVED INDOORS AS SOUTHERLY HITS, SIX THERMOSES SPARK LINO STANDOFF
Guys. Guys. I never thought I'd have to make this video about a Sunday picnic.
CARTERTON UMBRELLA LASTS EIGHT SECONDS, OWNER BLAMES CLIMATE CHANGE
You didn't hear it from me. Heard it off Kev at the Carterton Club, Thursday. Maybe Wednesday.
CROFTON DOWNS READING LOG FEUD ESCALATES TO BOARD OF TRUSTEES, PARENTS BRING LEVER-ARCH FOLDERS
One family logged 47 minutes. Another logged 45. The board meets Thursday.
LEVIN SCHOOL CAR PARK NOW A "DIPLOMATIC ZONE" AT 3PM PICKUP
Two mums haven't spoken since a wing-mirror bump in April. A third is running peace talks via WhatsApp.
LINWOOD RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE, HOPE, AND ONE BLOKE NAMED SHANE
Engineer says it's 'not technically a wall anymore' but concedes it's still doing wall things.
NGARUAWAHIA MUM'S DRIVEWAY CHALK DRAWING SLAPPED WITH 'UNLICENSED ROAD ART' COMPLAINT
The road in question is a driveway. The art in question is a rainbow.
AHURIRI NETBALL MUM EJECTED FOR COACHING THE REF EVERY 12 SECONDS
The under-11 game was 40 minutes long. She lasted 14.
SPREYDON SPARKY LABELS EVERY SWITCH "MAYBE", DOES A RUNNER
Homeowner now selects lighting by process of elimination and prayer.
CHURTON PARK WOMAN'S PALMY GIFT CARD REFUSED FOR BEING 'TOO FESTIVE' IN AUGUST
A Stuff investigation into a retail policy no one can produce in writing.
PAPAKURA HOCKEY DAD BRINGS MEGAPHONE TO UNDER-13 GAME, DECLINES TO PUT IT DOWN
The umpire is 16. The megaphone is a Warehouse special. The volume is set to Papakura.
BOTANY UTE HOSTS ROOFTOP SAUSAGE SIZZLE, INSPECTOR ARRIVES MID-ONION
The Hilux is loaded, the gas bottle is on, and the building consent is theoretical.
OPOTIKI RATEPAYER BILLED $340 FOR STORMWATER PIPE THAT DOES NOT, HAS NEVER, AND WILL NOT EXIST
Ōpōtiki District Council insists the invoice is correct. The pipe insists on nothing, being imaginary.