CLAUDELANDS APPRENTICE SENT TO AUCKLAND FOR TARTAN PAINT AND A LONG WEIGHT, FILES VIDEO APOLOGY FROM PANMURE RESENE
Guys. Guys. I never thought I'd have to make this video.
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STOKE COMMUNITY GARDEN AT WAR OVER KALE — HALF RECKON IT'S A PRANK
Three raised beds in, no one will admit to planting it, and Beryl's threatening to pull the lot.
TOKOROA RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE, A BREEZE BLOCK, AND "SHE'LL HOLD"
Builder says the wall has structural integrity. The wall says otherwise. Constable Pearce attended.
HEI HEI MITRE 10 RETURNS DESK ACCEPTS BARBECUE THAT IS, BY ANY REASONABLE DEFINITION, STILL ON FIRE
Customer says the unit is 'not fit for purpose'. The unit is venting smoke onto the carpet.
NORTH DUNEDIN FENCE PAINTED "WRONG SHADE OF GREEN" SPARKS COMMUNITY HALL MEDIATION
Three hours, two retired teachers, one Resene swatch — and still no resolution.
HAMILTON EAST UNDER-13 RUGBY HALTED THREE TIMES IN ONE HALF — PLANE, COW, JANDAL
A Stuff investigation can reveal the match resumed, then stopped, then resumed, then stopped again.
ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS HAMILTON KMART 'TREASURE HUNT' WAS, IN FACT, LOST STOCK
After 14 months, 47 witnesses, and one weeping assistant manager, the Commission has reached its findings.
FEATHERSTON PTA TREASURER LAUNCHES FORENSIC AUDIT OVER MISSING $3.50
The sausage sizzle reconciliation has entered its fourth week. Nobody is having a nice time.
FLAT BUSH MAN HOLDS PRESS CONFERENCE FOR LOST JANDAL — JANDAL ATTENDS
Six weeks apart. Twelve minutes of prepared remarks. One chewed left foot.
PAPAMOA SUNBURN VICTIM BLAMES "SNEAKY" SEPTEMBER SUN, NOT THE FOUR-HOUR NAP ON THE BEACH
Bloke from Milson went on holiday up north. Came back the colour of a stop sign.
METSERVICE PROMISES FINE DAY IN DEVONPORT, ONE CLOUD DISAGREES
The forecast said sunny. The cloud said no.
METSERVICE PROMISES "FINE AND SETTLED" OVER DEVONPORT — ONE CLOUD DIDN'T GET THE MEMO
The forecast said sun. The sky said get stuffed. A single dark cloud is now parked directly over the ferry terminal doing whatever it wants.
Keen-eyed kiwis demand solitude; Reefton's dogs not welcome
The kiwi, it seems, are not taking visitors. Particularly not the four-legged kind with opinions.
Sumner Hill Car-Push: A Breakfast Workout for Local Officers
Witness reckons one officer was eating a muesli bar. Could not confirm flavour.
ONEHUNGA MUM ACCUSED OF "MUFTI DAY ARMS RACE" AFTER SENDING SON IN FULL TUXEDO
It was a gold coin donation. She brought a cummerbund.
PICTON BRACES FOR 'AUCKLAND WEATHER' AFTER ONE HUMID AFTERNOON
The mercury hit 22 with a bit of stick in the air. Marlborough has declared this unacceptable.
CASHMERE CAFÉ PIGEON REFUSES TIPS, ACCEPTS ONLY CRUMBS
Regulars say the bird has been there longer than two of the baristas.
ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS KARORI 'CLOSING DOWN' SIGN HAS BEEN CLOSING DOWN SINCE 2016
Commissioner satisfied the shop is not, in fact, closing down.
Te Aro's Margaret Whitcombe Takes on NZTA in Diagram Dispute
The diagram shows a red car doing the right thing. One Te Aro pensioner has thirteen objections.
Local Cows Unimpressed With Bizarre Beef-on-Beef Diet Proposal
The paddock has gone quiet. The committee is meeting behind the trough.
PAIHIA LIBRARY AMNESTY QUIETLY WIPES $340 OF MAYORAL DVD FINES
Whangārei District Council's goodwill gesture has retroactively pardoned the mayor's five-year hold on 'The Bourne Supremacy'.
SHIRLEY SIDELINE DAD FILMING UNDER-11 SOCCER FOR "THE TRIBUNAL" NOW ON HIS THIRD MEMORY CARD
There is no tribunal. There has never been a tribunal. He's still filming.