GLADSTONE LEMON TREE NOW SUBJECT OF THREE SURVEYORS, TWO LAWYERS, AND A LAMINATED SIGN
The tree has produced 14 lemons this season. The dispute has produced 47 emails.
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PONSONBY CAT WINS FACEBOOK MAYORAL POLL, IMMEDIATELY GOES TO SLEEP ON A FERN
Tortoiseshell named Brenda secures 847 votes; runner-up was 'the bloke who yells at the pigeons'.
MT EDEN WOMAN HOLDS UP NEW WORLD QUEUE FOR 22 MINUTES OVER MISSING BROCCOLI POINTS
Clubcard says 40. Receipt says 10. Nobody is leaving until this is resolved.
STOKE 'FOUND OBJECT MUSEUM' OPENS WITH ONE HUBCAP AND A 40-MINUTE STORY
Curator confirms the hubcap is from a 1987 Corolla. The story is from 1992 and unrelated.
SUMNER UNDER-11s COACH INSISTS KNEE-DEEP MUD IS 'CHARACTER BUILDING' AS THIRD KID LOSES A BOOT
Parents reckon the only character being built is the one swearing at the touchline.
BISHOPDALE SCHOOL GALA RUNS OUT OF $1 COINS BY 10.17AM, PTA TREASURER 'TAKING A MOMENT' IN THE STAFF CARPARK
The sausage sizzle still had snags. The lucky dip still had prizes. Nobody had change.
COUNTDOWN TROLLEY FOUND IN MOSGIEL, ELEVEN KILOMETRES FROM ANY COUNTDOWN
The trolley has been on a longer journey than most second-year geography students.
MOSGIEL PERGOLA PASSES COUNCIL INSPECTION, FAILS BASIC LAWS OF GRAVITY
The consent's in a drawer. The pergola's in the neighbour's hedge.
HAMILTON EAST NOTICEBOARD LEAF-BLOWER FEUD ENTERS WEEK SIX, PARTIES NOW WRITING IN BOLD
What began as a polite A4 request has escalated to laminated rebuttals and at least one diagram.
KARORI UNDER-10S CLUB NAMES PLAYER OF THE DAY WHO WAS AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY IN JOHNSONVILLE
Kid hadn't kicked a ball. Hadn't laced a boot. Got the chocolate fish anyway.
NEWTOWN SCHOOL BAKE SALE CUPCAKE PRICED AT $48 — PTA INSISTS "IT'S FOR THE TURF"
A single vanilla cupcake on a paper doily is now worth more than a tank of petrol and a flat white combined.
ISLAND BAY BATHROOM RENO STALLED 11 DAYS OVER WRONG SHADE OF WHITE
The tiler is parked on The Parade eating his third pie. Nobody is showering.
PAPAMOA COMMUNITY GARDEN AT WAR OVER MYSTERY KALE
Half the committee thinks someone donated it. The other half thinks someone's taking the piss.
MOSGIEL PRINCIPAL'S NEWSLETTER POEM ABOUT 'CERTAIN PARENTS' RUNS TO FOUR STANZAS
Page two of the term three update is, the principal admits, a response to the pickup lane.
STOKE 'CLOSING DOWN SALE' ENTERS NINTH CONSECUTIVE YEAR, OWNER NOW LISTING IT AS A FEATURE
The sign was last replaced in 2021, when the old one got sun-bleached into a suggestion.
INVERCARGILL COUNCIL INVOICES GLADSTONE WOMAN $847 FOR STORMWATER PIPE THAT DOES NOT EXIST
Council insists the pipe is there. The ground disagrees.
AUCKLAND COUNCIL HIRES CONSULTANT TO CONSULT ON CONSULTANTS, INVOICE PENDING
Devonport ratepayers asked what the job actually is. Nobody at the Town Hall could say without a workshop.
SUMNER MAN WALKS PAK'NSAVE TROLLEY HOME FROM FERRYMEAD, HAILED AS HERO BY PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T INCONVENIENCED
Margaret Henderson is not convinced. Gerald would never have touched it.
KARORI HAIL THE SIZE OF "AGGRESSIVE PEAS" RUINS SMOKO, COUPLE OF UTES, AND DEREK'S MOOD
Bloke on a roof in Marsden Village reckons he copped one down the back of his hi-vis and that was the end of morning tea.
TAKAPUNA BEACH DAY ENDS IN HORIZONTAL RAIN AFTER 11 MINUTES OF SUNSHINE
The sausages were still cold. The towels are now in the harbour.
ROSLYN WOOLWORTHS REJECTS GIFT CARD FOR BEING "TOO FESTIVE" — IT IS AUGUST
Cashier told customer the card had "a vibe" the system wasn't comfortable with.
MOSGIEL MAILBOX REDECORATED EVERY MORNING — COUNCIL SUSPECTS A CODE
Nobody's seen the decorator. The postie's stopped asking.
PAPAMOA CHEMIST OUT OF PANADOL BEFORE FORECAST DROPS BELOW 18 DEGREES
The southerly hadn't arrived. The Panadol already had.
BISHOPDALE SPARKY LABELS EVERY SWITCH "MAYBE" AND PISSES OFF TO RANGIORA
Homeowner now flicks switches like she's playing pokies.
SUMNER STREET CONVENES KERBSIDE TRIBUNAL AFTER TRADIE'S HILUX BLOCKS THREE DRIVEWAYS
Eight residents, two folding chairs, one ute. The ute won, briefly.
HENDERSON GNOME CUSTODY BATTLE ENTERS THIRD WEEK, KEITH REMAINS NEUTRAL
Two families, one fishing rod, one Facebook post that should've been left alone.
HENDERSON LIBRARY FINES MEETING ENDS IN TEARS OVER A COOKBOOK
Cookbook is 47 days overdue. Fine is $3.20. The crying went on for some time.
ONERAHI DAIRY BECOMES UNOFFICIAL MET SERVICE AS CUSTOMERS REFUSE TO AGREE IT'S MUGGY
Three customers, one thermometer above the pie warmer, zero consensus.
DUNEDIN COUNCIL PAINTS ZEBRA CROSSING ON MOSGIEL MAN'S DRIVEWAY
Dallas now has to give way to himself when reversing the Hilux.
PAPAMOA DOG PARK SUBMISSION PROCESS DERAILED BY OBJECTION FROM ONE (1) CAT
Tauranga City Council confirms the submission was signed with a paw print and a $0 koha.