GLADSTONE CEILING CAVITY YIELDS 47 VB CANS AND ZERO INSULATION
The previous owner's R-value was, technically, beer.
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DEVONPORT MITRE 10 OUT OF ZIP TIES, LOCALS GATHER ON FORECOURT IN QUIET DESPAIR
Staff say a fresh shipment is due Thursday. Several customers have stayed anyway, just to be near the empty hook.
BISHOPDALE OP SHOP MUG SPARKS BIDDING WAR, POLICE CALLED, MUG STILL $2
Two women, one mug, one volunteer named Pat who has now requested a transfer to Hornby.
NEWTOWN DROUGHT DECLARED OVER AFTER DRIZZLE SPOTTED ON RENAULT WINDSCREEN
Three weeks of dire warnings undone by what one witness called 'barely a spit, honestly'.
HAMILTON COUNCIL CALLS MEETING TO DISCUSS WHEN TO HOLD MEETINGS
Pre-meeting meeting scheduled for Thursday. Or the Thursday after. A working group will confirm.
NEWMARKET APPRENTICE SPENDS SIX HOURS LOOKING FOR TARTAN PAINT AT THREE DIFFERENT BUNNINGS
The long weight is ongoing. So is the apprenticeship, technically.
TARADALE CRICKET TROPHY ENGRAVED 2019 — NOBODY NOTICED FOR FOUR MONTHS
The bloke who won it has had it on his mantle since March. His mum dusted it weekly.
TARADALE BLOKE REPORTS NEIGHBOUR'S KID'S CHALK RAINBOW AS "UNLICENSED ROAD ART"
The artist is seven. The complainant has a tape measure and a printout of the wrong bylaw.
KARORI PLAYGROUND SHUT FOR 'ASPIRATIONAL MAINTENANCE', NOBODY AT COUNCIL CAN DEFINE THE WORD
The slide has been wrapped in hazard tape since June. The aspiration, per WCC, is 'ongoing'.
TARADALE BP PUMP PRINTS RECEIPT LONGER THAN THE BLOKE'S DRIVEWAY
Forty-two bucks of 91. Three metres of paper. One tradie running late.
ONERAHI MUM LOSES 14 YEARS OF FLY BUYS OVERNIGHT, BLOCKS NEW WORLD ENTRANCE WITH MOBILITY SCOOTER
She was saving them for a toaster. The toaster is no longer on the table. Neither is the scooter, technically.
SUMNER HUMIDITY DECLARED 'HAIR HAZARD' AFTER THREE INCIDENTS ON THE ESPLANADE
One local's fringe reportedly took out a sunglasses display outside the dairy.
TAKAPUNA PAK'NSAVE INTRODUCES QUEUE FOR THE QUEUE, BLOKE GIVES UP AND GOES TO NEW WORLD
Two queues, one trolley, zero patience. A Takapuna sparky reckons he aged out of his apprenticeship waiting for the first cordon.
MT EDEN PRIMARY FUNDRAISER MOVES 400 ROLLS OF WRAPPING PAPER NOBODY ASKED FOR
The PTA calls it a record year. The garages of Mt Eden tell a different story.
HAMILTON EAST PICNIC RELOCATED TO LOUNGE, THERMOSES NOW SEATED BY ALLEGIANCE
What began as a riverside gathering has become a silent standoff over who brought the better flask.
GLADSTONE LABRADOR ATTENDS MORE COMMITTEE MEETINGS THAN HIS OWNER, NOW ON THREE SUB-COMMITTEES
Murray the dog has a better attendance record than half the council. His owner hasn't shown since June.
HAMILTON EAST UNDER-12 RUGBY GAME HALTED THREE TIMES — PLANE, COW, AND ONE JANDAL
The cow had no comment. The jandal's owner is still at large.
METSERVICE INSISTS LINWOOD IS "FINE AND SUNNY" AS RESIDENTS WATCH ICEBERG DRIFT PAST NEW WORLD
The app shows a smiling sun. The wheelie bins are sideways. Something has to give.
HENDERSON TRADIE FIRES UP SAUSAGE SIZZLE ON ROOF OF HILUX, INSISTS IT'S "WAY MORE STABLE THAN IT LOOKS"
The Hilux is parked outside a Lincoln Road job site. The hotplate is on the cab. WorkSafe has been notified.
KARORI PRIMARY APP SENDS 47 NOTIFICATIONS ABOUT MUFTI DAY, PARENT'S PHONE GIVES UP
Forty-six were reminders. The forty-seventh corrected reminder twelve.
NEWMARKET TRAMPOLINE FOUND IN REMUERA FRONT GARDEN, RESIDENTS DEMAND IT LEAVE
The wind giveth. Remuera would like it to taketh away again, ideally before the body corporate meeting.
ISLAND BAY WOOLWORTHS SELF-CHECKOUT ASKS CUSTOMER IF SHE'S 'OKAY TO CONTINUE'
The machine froze on a single kūmara. The customer froze on the existential question.
PONSONBY PTA SPLIT DOWN MIDDLE OVER SAUSAGE SIZZLE ONION PLACEMENT
Two-hour meeting. No vote reached. The barbecue is on Saturday.
SUMNER SCHOOL LOST PROPERTY BIN DECLARED ARCHAEOLOGICAL SITE, PARENTS TOLD NOT TO DIG
The bin holds 47 jerseys, one shoe, and a lunchbox last seen in Year 3.
TAKAPUNA OFFICE SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE OVER WHETHER 18 DEGREES IS A PUFFER JACKET SITUATION
Three staff are in merino. Two are in puffers. One bloke is in jandals. HR has been called.
HAMILTON EAST NETBALL MUM CALLS MEETING TO DISCUSS WHEN TO HOLD THE NEXT MEETING
Calendar invite went out at 6.04am. The agenda is the agenda.
STOKE SCHOOL PICKUP LANE NOW FEATURES UTE WITH SEVEN FLAGS, INCLUDING ONE NO-ONE CAN IDENTIFY
The Hilux occupies two parks and an opinion. Other parents are furious but smiling.
BISHOPDALE GRITTED AT DAWN AFTER RESIDENT REPORTS "BIT OF A NIP" IN THE AIR
Tuesday's low of 8.4 degrees prompted full winter response from Christchurch City Council.
BISHOPDALE RATEPAYERS FUND $84,000 REPORT THAT CONCLUDES REPORTS ARE UNDERFUNDED
The report recommends a follow-up report. The follow-up report will cost more than the first one.
NEWTOWN DECK BUILT 'FOR ENTERTAINING' FITS EXACTLY ZERO CHAIRS, ONE FOOT
The builder reckons it's a vibe deck. The owner reckons it's a windowsill.