MOSGIEL BLOKE RECKONS THE WIND HAS IT IN FOR HIM SPECIFICALLY
Wheelie bin last seen heading for Outram at pace. Owner not invited.
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GLADSTONE UMBRELLA LASTS SEVEN SECONDS, OWNER BLAMES CLIMATE CHANGE AND ALSO HIS WIFE
The umbrella was new. It is now a sculpture.
NEWTOWN PIGEON DECLARES CONSTITUENCY AT CONSTANCE STREET CAFÉ, KNOCKS BACK GOLD COIN
Staff say the bird turns up at 7am sharp and has opinions about the muffins.
STOKE PLUMBER PULLS THIRD GARDEN GNOME FROM SAME DRAIN THIS YEAR
The gnome was holding a tiny fishing rod. The fishing rod was holding back six weeks of shit.
DEVONPORT NETBALL MUM EJECTED FOR "REFEREEING THE REFEREE" AT UNDER-12 GAME
Umpire is 15. Mum is 47. Saturday at Ngataringa Park did not go well for either.
HENDERSON COUNTDOWN OUT OF BREAD BY 4PM AFTER FORECAST SAYS THE F-WORD
MetService mentioned frost. West Auckland responded like the power was about to go out for a fortnight.
ONERAHI U-13 REF DOWNS WHISTLE AT 2.55PM, CITES "SCHOOL PICKUP, MATE"
Game abandoned at 14-all. Sideline dad still yelling about a forward pass twenty minutes later.
MT EDEN GNOME MISSING SINCE TUESDAY — NEIGHBOURLY THREAD NOW 84 COMMENTS AND ZERO LEADS
Police have not ruled out that the gnome walked off. At this stage they've ruled out nothing.
ISLAND BAY WOMAN FINDS ONE SOCK ON THE PAVEMENT, STARTS SUPPORT GROUP BY TUESDAY
The sock is grey. The group has 34 members. The other sock is still missing.
ONERAHI SANTA PARADE DELAYED 47 MINUTES BY UNAUTHORISED GOAT
Owner told organisers the goat was 'for atmosphere'. Organisers say the atmosphere was already fine.
DEVONPORT FERRY COMMUTER REPORTS "COORDINATED" SEAGULL CAMPAIGN, WANTS CHARGES LAID
Victim alleges the same bird has been clocking him since Tuesday. Police have classified it as a Bird Matter.
ONERAHI WOMAN RINGS 111 OVER COURIER WHO SAID 'CHEERS, HAVE A LOVELY DAY'
Suspicions raised when the bloke also wiped his boots before putting the parcel down.
MOSGIEL TOUCH MODULE INTRODUCES SIN BIN FOR SARCASM, FIRST OFFENDER BINNED AT 6.04PM
The new rule lasted four minutes before being tested. The bloke is still in the bin, sort of.
NEWMARKET FOOTPATH WORKS HALTED OVER SINGLE STROPPY CAMELLIA
Auckland Council says the shrub is 'of significance'. Locals say it's a bush.
DEVONPORT MOTHER PRODUCES MEASURING TAPE AT SCHOOL GATE, INSISTS ZONE BOUNDARY RUNS THROUGH NEIGHBOUR'S HEDGE
Forty-two metres of grievance, settled in the rain outside Devonport Primary.
GLADSTONE SCHOOL NEWSLETTER PROMISES "SAUSAGE SIZZLE" — PARENTS NOT SURE WHAT THE QUOTE MARKS MEAN
Some reckon it's a typo. Others reckon the PTA knows something.
PONSONBY UNDER-10s RUGBY DESCENDS INTO ORANGE-RELATED SHOUTING MATCH BETWEEN GROWN ADULTS
Two mothers, one chilly bin, no oranges. The children watched.
PAPAMOA MAN THIRD-DEGREE CRISPY AFTER FORGETTING SUN STILL WORKS IN SEPTEMBER
It was 19 degrees. He was outside forty minutes. He is now the colour of a chorizo.
KARORI MALL SANTA OFFERING "PLATINUM TIER" PHOTO PACKAGE FOR $89.99
Standard package is a printed 6x4. Platinum gets you a USB and a longer chat with Santa.
KARORI TIME CAPSULE CRACKED OPEN 18 YEARS EARLY AFTER COMMITTEE LOSES THE KEY
Buried 2007. Due 2057. Opened Tuesday because Margaret's drawer is a disaster.
DEVONPORT WATCH GROUP LAUNCHES PROBE INTO WONKY WHEELIE BINS
Vanessa from Vauxhall Road has a slide deck. Hamish has a Range Rover. The bins have been emptied.
MT EDEN COUNCIL CONFIRMS ROAD CONES NOW OUTNUMBER RESIDENTS, CALLS IT 'PROGRESS'
Auckland Transport reckons the 2:1 ratio is 'within tolerance'. Tolerance for what, they wouldn't say.
NAPIER COUNCIL POTHOLE APP NOW REPLYING 'WE FEEL YOUR PAIN' TO EVERY SINGLE COMPLAINT
Taradale woman reports same pothole 14 times. Gets 14 identical hugs from a server.
TARADALE PRIMARY MUFTI DAY RAISES $187 AND ONE PARENT'S BLOOD PRESSURE
Gold coin donation. Silver-level passive aggression. Bronze-medal parenting from three dads at the gate.
TAKAPUNA TOUCH MATCH STOPPED BY SIDELINE DAD'S VAPE CLOUD
The dad reckons it was pineapple ice. The ref says she couldn't see the try line.
DEVONPORT SITE FOREMAN HALTS SMOKO TO LECTURE CREW ON PIE TEMPERATURE
The pies were from the Vauxhall Four Square. The clipboard was from head office. Neither side enjoyed it.
DEVONPORT MAN REUNITED WITH LOST JANDAL AFTER FERRY-TERMINAL PRESSER
Left foot's been doing solo work for nine days. The right one's finally got backup.
AUCKLAND COUNCIL PORTAL REJECTS EVERY PASSWORD KNOWN TO MAN, INCLUDING ITS OWN SUGGESTION
Takapuna sparkie spent 45 minutes trying to pay a building consent. The portal told him to get rooted.
HENDERSON WAREHOUSE BOXING DAY SALE CITED IN THREE DIVORCE FILINGS, ONE PRANG ON LINCOLN ROAD
Family Court bracing for more once the air fryer queue clears.
PONSONBY BATHROOM RENO ENTERS YEAR THREE, BUILDER SAYS IT'S 'DONE TUESDAY'
The homeowner has showered at the gym 437 times. The builder has not picked up a phone since the Coronation.