PAPAMOA ROOFING CREW DOWNS TOOLS EVERY TIME A PLANE PASSES — CITES "SAFETY"
Tauranga Airport is 4km away. The crew has stopped work 38 times since Monday.
Tradie Tales
Building sites, utes, and the sacred morning pie ritual from Kaitaia to Bluff.
HENDERSON TRADIE FIRES UP SAUSAGE SIZZLE ON ROOF OF HILUX, INSISTS IT'S "WAY MORE STABLE THAN IT LOOKS"
The Hilux is parked outside a Lincoln Road job site. The hotplate is on the cab. WorkSafe has been notified.
MT EDEN BUILDER NAMES EVERY NAIL ON SITE, REFUSES TO HAMMER UNTIL GREETED PROPERLY
Job is eleven weeks behind. The foreman's calling in sick. The nails have surnames.
KARORI BUILDER INSISTS GAPING HOLE IN ROOF IS 'VENTILATION, BRO'
Homeowner asked for a re-roof. Got a skylight. Got a puddle. Got a lecture about airflow.
NEWTOWN DECK BUILT 'FOR ENTERTAINING' FITS EXACTLY ZERO CHAIRS, ONE FOOT
The builder reckons it's a vibe deck. The owner reckons it's a windowsill.
NEWMARKET APPRENTICE SPENDS SIX HOURS LOOKING FOR TARTAN PAINT AT THREE DIFFERENT BUNNINGS
The long weight is ongoing. So is the apprenticeship, technically.
TAKAPUNA RENO STRIPS BACK FOUR LAYERS OF WALLPAPER, FINDS 1987 STARING BACK
The hallway is now legally a crime scene against interior design.
MOSGIEL PERGOLA PASSES COUNCIL INSPECTION, FAILS BASIC LAWS OF GRAVITY
The consent's in a drawer. The pergola's in the neighbour's hedge.
SUMNER SPARKY'S TOOLBOX KNOCKED OFF FRIDAY — REPLACED BY SATURDAY VIA $4 SAUSAGES
The thieves got a Makita combo kit. The community got 380 onions through a Briscoes pan.
GLADSTONE CEILING CAVITY YIELDS 47 VB CANS AND ZERO INSULATION
The previous owner's R-value was, technically, beer.
TARADALE SCAFFOLDERS ADD $400 'ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT' LINE TO QUOTE
The homeowner asked what it was for. The scaffolder charged him another twenty for asking.
ROSLYN PAINTER STOPS DEAD AT FENCE LINE, LEAVING HALF A DUPLEX BEIGE AND HALF A DUPLEX SHAME
The boundary peg has never been so respected. The duplex has never looked so stupid.
ONERAHI BUILDER DECLARES KITCHEN RENO "FINISHED EXCEPT THE FINISHING" — HOMEOWNER DISAGREES
There are no benchtops, no skirtings, and one wall remains, in the builder's words, "largely conceptual".
HAMILTON EAST CLIENT DEMANDS KITCHEN 'LIKE ON TELLY' BUT BEIGER, CHIPPIE QUOTES $94K AND A LIE DOWN
She's been to Mitre 10 four times this week. The chippie has been to the pub three.