LINWOOD RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE, HOPE, AND ONE BLOKE NAMED SHANE
Engineer says it's 'not technically a wall anymore' but concedes it's still doing wall things.
Tradie Tales
Building sites, utes, and the sacred morning pie ritual from Kaitaia to Bluff.
SPREYDON SPARKY LABELS EVERY SWITCH "MAYBE", DOES A RUNNER
Homeowner now selects lighting by process of elimination and prayer.
BOTANY UTE HOSTS ROOFTOP SAUSAGE SIZZLE, INSPECTOR ARRIVES MID-ONION
The Hilux is loaded, the gas bottle is on, and the building consent is theoretical.
MANGAKINO SPARKY'S APOLOGY VIDEO DECLARES JOB 'FINISHED EXCEPT FOR THE FINISHING'
Ten-minute confessional posted to Instagram at 11.47pm Tuesday. Kitchen still has no light switches.
TOKOROA RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE, A BREEZE BLOCK, AND "SHE'LL HOLD"
Builder says the wall has structural integrity. The wall says otherwise. Constable Pearce attended.
CLAUDELANDS APPRENTICE SENT TO AUCKLAND FOR TARTAN PAINT AND A LONG WEIGHT, FILES VIDEO APOLOGY FROM PANMURE RESENE
Guys. Guys. I never thought I'd have to make this video.
FEILDING RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE AND BRENDAN'S DENIAL
Builder reckons it'll see out the winter. Won't say which one.
ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS BOTANY PERGOLA 'APPROVED BY COUNCIL BUT NOT BY PHYSICS'
Fourteen months. Forty-seven witnesses. One engineer in tears. The findings are in.
OPUNAKE PERGOLA PASSES COUNCIL INSPECTION, FAILS FIRST DECENT SOUTHERLY
The consent says yes. The four-by-two says no. Gravity got the final word.
WINTON SPARKIES SEND APPRENTICE TO AUCKLAND FOR TARTAN PAINT, LONG WEIGHT — HE'S BEEN GONE SINCE TUESDAY
Lad flew out of Invercargill on a 6am Jetstar. Has rung four Mitre 10s and a Resene in Penrose. None of them are laughing.
MACANDREW BAY RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE AND "A REAL POSITIVE ATTITUDE", BUILDER CONFIRMS
It was a Tuesday morning in Macandrew Bay. The hill was about to become a suggestion.
Aro Valley Builders Enjoy Smoko Feast as Work Lags
Aro Valley site trades tools for pies — progress redefined.
Ashburton Dog's Bubble Tail Bewitches and Bewilders Locals
Local puppy's soap bubble tail threatens Ashburton's artisanal market economy.
Canterbury Legend Tows Mattress, Pallet in Wild Jimny Combo
ORY764 last seen leaving Prestons Road at 40km/h with a queen-sized Sleepyhead doing the limbo.
PONSONBY BATHROOM RENO ENTERS YEAR THREE, BUILDER SAYS IT'S 'DONE TUESDAY'
The homeowner has showered at the gym 437 times. The builder has not picked up a phone since the Coronation.
STOKE PLUMBER PULLS THIRD GARDEN GNOME FROM SAME DRAIN THIS YEAR
The gnome was holding a tiny fishing rod. The fishing rod was holding back six weeks of shit.
BISHOPDALE SPARKY LABELS EVERY SWITCH "MAYBE" AND PISSES OFF TO RANGIORA
Homeowner now flicks switches like she's playing pokies.
ISLAND BAY BATHROOM RENO STALLED 11 DAYS OVER WRONG SHADE OF WHITE
The tiler is parked on The Parade eating his third pie. Nobody is showering.
DEVONPORT SITE FOREMAN HALTS SMOKO TO LECTURE CREW ON PIE TEMPERATURE
The pies were from the Vauxhall Four Square. The clipboard was from head office. Neither side enjoyed it.
LINWOOD RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE, A FENCE POST, AND "SHEER FUCKING WILLPOWER"
The wall is 30 years old. The wire is older. The slope behind it contains a trampoline.