TE AWAMUTU PRIMARY DEMANDS SOCKS HIT MID-CALF — PARENTS DEMAND A LIFE
A three-centimetre sock discrepancy has triggered four PTA emails and one resignation.
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FENDALTON WOMAN'S SOUTHLAND UMBRELLA INVERTED IN 4 SECONDS FLAT, BLAMES "CLIMATE"
The umbrella was bought in Invercargill, which locals say should have been a warning.
GONVILLE PETITION DEMANDS LEAF BLOWER CEASEFIRE UNTIL 10AM — ORGANISER HAS 34 SIGNATURES AND ONE ENEMY
The enemy lives at number 42 and owns a Stihl.
GLENORCHY SHOP'S "CLOSING DOWN" SIGN NOW OLDER THAN THE OWNER'S YOUNGEST KID
Ninth year of the everything-must-go sale. Everything is, in fact, still there.
CARTERTON PERGOLA PASSES COUNCIL INSPECTION, FAILS EVERY OTHER TEST KNOWN TO SCIENCE
The consent is in order. The posts are not.
BETHLEHEM MAN BUILDS SIX-FOOT SCARECROW TO STOP U-TURNS, THEN POSTS APOLOGY VIDEO FOR IT
The scarecrow is called Nigel. Nigel is not going anywhere. The man behind Nigel is, apparently, on a journey.
TAWA HOCKEY DAD BRINGS MEGAPHONE TO UNDER-11 GAME, REFUSES TO PUT IT DOWN EVEN AFTER YELLOW CARD
He's from Auckland, he's got batteries, and he's not going anywhere.
Te Aro Flat's Ancient Meters Still Ticking, Landlord Unfazed
Ferranti-brand units from Hollinwood, England, have been ticking over in a Cuba Street cupboard since before decimal currency.
JUDEA MAN'S DAILY WALK NOW HAS A SHRINE, HE'S NOT KEEN
It was a Tuesday morning in Judea. The suspect laced up his shoes. He did not know about the candles.
ALEXANDRA WOMAN'S BROCCOLI POINTS DISPUTE ENTERS SECOND WEEK, NEW WORLD "LOOKING INTO IT"
Clubcard says 40 points. Receipt says 4. Deborah says she'll die on this hill.
ELTHAM DECK BUILT "FOR ENTERTAINING" TOO NARROW FOR A SINGLE FOLDING CHAIR
Builder insists the measurements are correct. The chair insists otherwise.
ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS MANGAKINO UMBRELLA INVERSION 'INEVITABLE', RECOMMENDS 47 REFORMS
After 14 months and $2.3m in legal fees, the Commission has determined the umbrella was, on the balance of probabilities, a bit shit.
GREYTOWN COMMUTER'S CHIP BUTTY TAKEN CLEAN OUT OF HAND BY SEAGULL WITH "NO REGARD FOR THE QUEUE"
Bloke reckons the bird made eye contact first. The bird has not been available for comment.
LYTTELTON WEATHER APP INSISTS IT'S SUNNY AS SOUTHERLY TAKES BLOKE'S GAZEBO
MetService widget says 14 and clear. The gazebo is now in Diamond Harbour.
BEERESCOURT DECK BUILT 'FOR ENTERTAINING' TOO NARROW FOR A SINGLE CHAIR
Mate of mine reckons the chippie measured it with a pie in one hand.
AVONSIDE SCHOOL BAKE SALE CUPCAKE PRICED AT $47, PTA INSISTS IT'S "FOR A GOOD CAUSE"
The cause is a shade sail. The cupcake is lemon.
WINTON UNDER-11S NEARLY RIOT AFTER HALF-TIME ORANGES REPLACED WITH "BUDGET BLOODY MANDARINS"
Club treasurer defends the swap. Sideline dads defend nothing of the sort.
MACANDREW BAY DOG ATTENDS MORE COMMITTEE MEETINGS THAN HIS OWNER, MINUTES CONFIRM
Barnaby the labrador has sat through four meetings this year. His owner has managed one, and left early.
Atawhai Man's Kite Not UFO, Just Very Intense Flying
The kite has dangly bits. The wristwatch cost more than the kite. The wind does not care.
Sumner Street's Funky Hat Man Raises Eyebrows and Noise Levels
Wagner Place residents have lodged three noise complaints and one vibe complaint in a fortnight.
NEWFIELD DAIRY BECOMES MET SERVICE ANNEX AFTER FROST DEBATE TURNS PERSONAL
Two pensioners, one thermometer, and a packet of Pineapple Lumps held hostage for forty minutes.
New Plymouth's Unreadable Sign Leaves Locals Philosophically Challenged
It was a Tuesday morning on the coastal walkway. Nothing about that day suggested what was about to unfold.
Hamilton candidates indistinguishable in ring road trifecta of promises
Three mayoral candidates promise to fix the ring road. None of them define ring, road, or fix.
Tawa's Ogre Wedding: Nuns, Onion Tables, and Unsolved Mysteries
A Stuff investigation into the green-painted nuptials that have left a Tawa hall booking officer requesting a full carpet shampoo.
Local Spice Baron Welcomes Delivery as Nintendo Icon
Three Speights in at the Sumner pub when Macca tells me about Walter again. Mate, you won't believe this one.
Council Slow to Support After Cat Becomes Permanent Garden Fixture
The cat is fine. The silverbeet is not. The Dunedin City Council is, as ever, reviewing.
Tekapo's mystery boats spark 340-page inquiry, still unclaimed
The Commission finds, on the balance of probabilities, that the boats have been there since at least Queen's Birthday.
Redwood Ripper? Terrier Deflects Cardboard Chaos Blame
The bath was at 9.40. The cardboard was destroyed by 10.06. Police are not involved, but should be.
Ogre Mystifies Crofton Downs, Refuses to Move to Petone Swamps
Multiple sources confirm a large green figure has been loitering near the bush line. Officials remain tight-lipped.
Grey Lynn Water: A Dash of Chlorine, Anyone?
Sources allege Auckland Council has reversed the chlorine-to-water ratio. The Daily Yarn has spent six weeks investigating a glass of water.