GUYS. I NEED TO ADDRESS THE KARORI HAIL SITUATION
A statement from Dave the Tradie regarding aggressive peas and the work he's doing.
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GREEN ISLAND PARADE STALLED 40 MINUTES AFTER ATTENDEE ARRIVES WITH GOAT FOR "ATMOSPHERE"
The goat had no permit, no lead long enough, and no interest in the brass band.
STOKE NEW WORLD LOYALTY POINTS EXPIRE OVERNIGHT, PENSIONERS FORM ORDERLY BUT FURIOUS LINE
One woman had been saving since 2019 for a ham. The ham is now theoretical.
HAMILTON WEST WOMAN GETS THREE COUNCIL LETTERS ABOUT BINS, NONE OF THEM AGREE
One says yellow lid. One says red lid. One thanks her for joining a trial she's never heard of.
ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS PHILLIPSTOWN NETBALL TROPHY ENGRAVED '1987' AWARDED EVERY YEAR SINCE 2009
Fourteen winning captains held the cup aloft. None of them looked at the plinth.
LYALL BAY MITRE 10 OUT OF ZIP TIES; HALF THE SUBURB NOW HELD TOGETHER BY HOPE
The hardware run is a Saturday ritual. The ritual has hit a wall.
METSERVICE PROMISES "FINE AND SETTLED" OVER WHANGANUI — ONE CLOUD DIDN'T GET THE MEMO
The cloud is described as dark and rude.
FEILDING RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE AND BRENDAN'S DENIAL
Builder reckons it'll see out the winter. Won't say which one.
NGONGOTAHA UNDER-11 CRICKET HALTED 22 MINUTES BY LAB NAMED BISCUIT
Umpire called dead ball. Dog wouldn't move. Dad on the boundary lost it at a teenager.
CAVERSHAM PRIMARY BANS GLITTER AFTER INCIDENT BOARD CHAIR DESCRIBES AS "BIBLICAL"
Three weeks on, the Year 2 carpet still sparkles under fluorescent light. So do two teachers.
SUMNER DAIRY SELLS OUT OF HOT CHIPS DURING POWER CUT, OWNER 'NOT SURE HOW'
The fryer was off. The chips kept coming. Then they didn't.
CLAUDELANDS APPRENTICE SENT TO AUCKLAND FOR TARTAN PAINT AND A LONG WEIGHT, FILES VIDEO APOLOGY FROM PANMURE RESENE
Guys. Guys. I never thought I'd have to make this video.
STOKE COMMUNITY GARDEN AT WAR OVER KALE — HALF RECKON IT'S A PRANK
Three raised beds in, no one will admit to planting it, and Beryl's threatening to pull the lot.
TOKOROA RETAINING WALL HELD UP BY NO. 8 WIRE, A BREEZE BLOCK, AND "SHE'LL HOLD"
Builder says the wall has structural integrity. The wall says otherwise. Constable Pearce attended.
HEI HEI MITRE 10 RETURNS DESK ACCEPTS BARBECUE THAT IS, BY ANY REASONABLE DEFINITION, STILL ON FIRE
Customer says the unit is 'not fit for purpose'. The unit is venting smoke onto the carpet.
NORTH DUNEDIN FENCE PAINTED "WRONG SHADE OF GREEN" SPARKS COMMUNITY HALL MEDIATION
Three hours, two retired teachers, one Resene swatch — and still no resolution.
HAMILTON EAST UNDER-13 RUGBY HALTED THREE TIMES IN ONE HALF — PLANE, COW, JANDAL
A Stuff investigation can reveal the match resumed, then stopped, then resumed, then stopped again.
ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS HAMILTON KMART 'TREASURE HUNT' WAS, IN FACT, LOST STOCK
After 14 months, 47 witnesses, and one weeping assistant manager, the Commission has reached its findings.
FEATHERSTON PTA TREASURER LAUNCHES FORENSIC AUDIT OVER MISSING $3.50
The sausage sizzle reconciliation has entered its fourth week. Nobody is having a nice time.
FLAT BUSH MAN HOLDS PRESS CONFERENCE FOR LOST JANDAL — JANDAL ATTENDS
Six weeks apart. Twelve minutes of prepared remarks. One chewed left foot.
PAPAMOA SUNBURN VICTIM BLAMES "SNEAKY" SEPTEMBER SUN, NOT THE FOUR-HOUR NAP ON THE BEACH
Bloke from Milson went on holiday up north. Came back the colour of a stop sign.
METSERVICE PROMISES FINE DAY IN DEVONPORT, ONE CLOUD DISAGREES
The forecast said sunny. The cloud said no.
METSERVICE PROMISES "FINE AND SETTLED" OVER DEVONPORT — ONE CLOUD DIDN'T GET THE MEMO
The forecast said sun. The sky said get stuffed. A single dark cloud is now parked directly over the ferry terminal doing whatever it wants.
Keen-eyed kiwis demand solitude; Reefton's dogs not welcome
The kiwi, it seems, are not taking visitors. Particularly not the four-legged kind with opinions.
Sumner Hill Car-Push: A Breakfast Workout for Local Officers
Witness reckons one officer was eating a muesli bar. Could not confirm flavour.
ONEHUNGA MUM ACCUSED OF "MUFTI DAY ARMS RACE" AFTER SENDING SON IN FULL TUXEDO
It was a gold coin donation. She brought a cummerbund.
PICTON BRACES FOR 'AUCKLAND WEATHER' AFTER ONE HUMID AFTERNOON
The mercury hit 22 with a bit of stick in the air. Marlborough has declared this unacceptable.
CASHMERE CAFÉ PIGEON REFUSES TIPS, ACCEPTS ONLY CRUMBS
Regulars say the bird has been there longer than two of the baristas.
ROYAL COMMISSION FINDS KARORI 'CLOSING DOWN' SIGN HAS BEEN CLOSING DOWN SINCE 2016
Commissioner satisfied the shop is not, in fact, closing down.
Te Aro's Margaret Whitcombe Takes on NZTA in Diagram Dispute
The diagram shows a red car doing the right thing. One Te Aro pensioner has thirteen objections.